Only 26 days until I teach my first Zumba class (but who's counting!?) so in my spare moments I am either practicing my routines or listening to my songs on my ipod. Today I got to thinking, "You know what?! I should go sit at the pool and listen to my music. There's no reason I need to stay couped up at home!?" With that, I packed my pool bag with my Zumba choreo notes, my ipod, sunscreen, a few rupees and my sunglasses and left for the pool.
I hadn't been at the pool too long when I started to think..."Boy! I sure would like an ice cold Diet Coke about right now and come to think of it I'm a little rumbly in my tumbly so maybe I shall order some lunch as well?!" While I waited for my little shnacky to arrive I hummed along to my tunes and mentally practiced through my routines. When a shadow formed in front of me, I opened my eyes to see the pool waiter holding my sweating glass of Diet Coke and my Club Sandwich (fit to feed a small army!) Before I dug in like a starving refugee, I thanked the waiter and paid my bill. I continued to munch my lunch and had just put down my plate when a new shadow arrived. This time it was not a member of the restaurant staff it was a young Indian boy. I would have guessed about age 12 (although he told me he was 16?!). Mind you we have five pools. Yes, count them....FIVE pools to choose from and there are a million pool chairs scattered all over the complex and this boy comes and sits right down at the waters edge next to me in my pool chair. No biggie but I thought it was a bit strange. I mean you could sit anywhere and I was at the "upper pool" specifically because usually there is nobody up there. He was humming a happy tune and as he plopped down next to me he asked me, "Where are you from?" I told him, "America." He said, "Oh! I like Americans wery much!" "Nice!" "You have a nice look, Ma'am!" "Ummm..Thanks?!" Then he cast his eyes to my plate sitting next to me. I had eaten most of 3 out of 4 sandwiches. He commented, "They have delicious food here?!" "Yes. I like it very much! Would you like to have my last sandwich? It's too much food. I haven't touched it and I'm too full to eat it." Without skipping a beat he was devouring the last sandwich like a hungry lion. We exchanged pleasantries. I said, "No school today?" to which he informed me that he had "sports" today. (Not exactly sure what that meant?!) "What sport?", I asked. "Futbol!" "Oh, cool. My boys like futbol too." I asked him to guess how many kids I had. He gave a good guess of "3" and when I told him I had four kids he looked around and asked if they were at the pool too. "No, they are at school." I found out that his younger brother was with him and swimming in the indoor pool (although I never saw the brother and am not convinced that he was really there swimming or that he really had a brother at all?!) Supposedly, he's lived in Banaglore for 5 years and came here from London although he was born in Bangalore. His mother lives in Kerala (another part of India) and then he said something about his Aunt and told me he was supposed to meet her but he lost his money. He looked very sad and forlorn as he asked me, "Ma'am you have any money?!" I lied and said, "No." He commented on my cell phone, "That's Apple?" "Um. No. I think it's a Samsung. Oh. Nope. It says LG." "It's expensive, Ma'am? How much?" "Oh, Brother. I have no idea?!" (Even if I did I don't think this was an appropriate question nor one I felt like I should answer.)
Then he commented on my sunscreen. "What's that?!" "Oh. Sunblock. See how I have all these brown spots? They are called freckles. I get a lot of these when I'm in the sun and if I don't put on sunblock my skin will turn really red. I get burned and it hurts. So that helps my skin not get too burned." He picked up the bottle and flipped the lid open and said, "Ooh! Smells nice." "Go ahead. You can try some if you want." He took a little dab and said, "I like it." We chatted about other things like WWE (unfortunately, I am not up on the current wrestling circuit so he did most of the talking and I just listened.) Apparently, he's a BIG fan! Then every once in awhile he'd divert from what he was talking about and he'd make some random comment like, "You have a nice look." or "I like how you look." Which was all very awkward and I would try to divert the conversation back to school or wrestling or anything not related to my BOD! ARGHHH!
No matter how hard I tried the conversation just got weirder and weirder. At one point he just blurted out, "I want to kiss you, Ma'am!" "WHAT?!" "Yes. I want to kiss you Ma'am." "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" "Please Ma'am. A lip kiss." "WHAT!?!?! You are crazy!! Noooooo, Sir!" "Why?! I just really want to kiss you on the lips. A lip kiss like Titanic." "Titanic?!?! The movie?!" "Yes. They lip kiss. It was very nice." In a desperate attempt to try to change his perky mood I said, "Oh yes. That was a very sad movie. Lots and LOTS of people died!" This did not curb his enthusiasm at all. So then I told him, "No. I only kiss my husband." "Nightly?!" "Yes, Nightly and he would be very upset if I kissed someone else." "Love Marriage, Ma'am?!" "Yes, LOTS of Love!" (Quick interjection about him asking, "Love Marriage". He was simply wondering whether I had an arranged marriage or not. Here in India if you do not go the traditional arrangement route they will say it was a "Love Marriage".) Then he asked, How long have you been married?" "14 years this summer." If he had still been finishing my sandwich...he would have choked as he gasped and said, "14 years?! You could be my Mom!!!.....Kiss your Son!" I think I let out a big guffaw at that point - I mean it was all so ridiculous and he was so persistent. I felt like someone should come leaping out the bushes at any moment to point out the hidden cameras catching this bazaar situation LIVE on tape. But nobody jumped out to say, "Haha! The joke is on you" and so the craziness continued! He informed me, "I really like Americans. Especially white ones, like you." and he added ,"I do not like black people." Horrified I said, "What?! God loves us all! I am always telling my kids that it doesn't matter what color your skin is or what color your hair might be - then I tapped my heart with my hand and said, "It's what's in here that counts." Puzzled he looked at me and said, "So your husband is black!?" Again, I think I burst out laughin! He missed my point entirely and he didn't let up on his quest for a kiss either. Begging. Pleading. I just kept saying, "Nope. Absolutely not. No kissing!" and he kept saying, "But I would be so happy! Just only one kiss?!"
Finally, I found the distraction I was looking for when I said, "So aren't you going to go swimming?!" and he looked around like, "Oh yeah! You're right! That's what I came here to do!" He went back to his happy little humming tune that he arrived singing and said, "Yes! I AM going swimming!" Mentally I was thinking, "THANK GOD! Yes! Go for a swim!!!!" I said, "So nice meeting you, Anderson." He extended his right hand towards mine and as we shook hands he said, "You too, Jen!" and then he KISSED the back of my hand! That little sneaky varmit! He may not have got his LIP kiss but he got A KISS nonetheless and he was as happy as a pig in poo. And like that - Poof! He was gone. Vanished. By the time I got my wits about me at what had just happened I stood up to see if I could see him walking to the indoor pool to link up with his "supposed" brother but he was gone. I have no idea where he went. If he had a brother or if any of his stories were true BUT in the future I have decided this whole situation could have been avoided!!!! You know that old saying, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach?!" Next time.....I will NOT offer to share my lunch. I think that was Pandora's Box today and now I think I shall go and kiss my husband b/c afterall - We DO that NIGHTLY!!!! ;0) Sweet Dreams All!
I hadn't been at the pool too long when I started to think..."Boy! I sure would like an ice cold Diet Coke about right now and come to think of it I'm a little rumbly in my tumbly so maybe I shall order some lunch as well?!" While I waited for my little shnacky to arrive I hummed along to my tunes and mentally practiced through my routines. When a shadow formed in front of me, I opened my eyes to see the pool waiter holding my sweating glass of Diet Coke and my Club Sandwich (fit to feed a small army!) Before I dug in like a starving refugee, I thanked the waiter and paid my bill. I continued to munch my lunch and had just put down my plate when a new shadow arrived. This time it was not a member of the restaurant staff it was a young Indian boy. I would have guessed about age 12 (although he told me he was 16?!). Mind you we have five pools. Yes, count them....FIVE pools to choose from and there are a million pool chairs scattered all over the complex and this boy comes and sits right down at the waters edge next to me in my pool chair. No biggie but I thought it was a bit strange. I mean you could sit anywhere and I was at the "upper pool" specifically because usually there is nobody up there. He was humming a happy tune and as he plopped down next to me he asked me, "Where are you from?" I told him, "America." He said, "Oh! I like Americans wery much!" "Nice!" "You have a nice look, Ma'am!" "Ummm..Thanks?!" Then he cast his eyes to my plate sitting next to me. I had eaten most of 3 out of 4 sandwiches. He commented, "They have delicious food here?!" "Yes. I like it very much! Would you like to have my last sandwich? It's too much food. I haven't touched it and I'm too full to eat it." Without skipping a beat he was devouring the last sandwich like a hungry lion. We exchanged pleasantries. I said, "No school today?" to which he informed me that he had "sports" today. (Not exactly sure what that meant?!) "What sport?", I asked. "Futbol!" "Oh, cool. My boys like futbol too." I asked him to guess how many kids I had. He gave a good guess of "3" and when I told him I had four kids he looked around and asked if they were at the pool too. "No, they are at school." I found out that his younger brother was with him and swimming in the indoor pool (although I never saw the brother and am not convinced that he was really there swimming or that he really had a brother at all?!) Supposedly, he's lived in Banaglore for 5 years and came here from London although he was born in Bangalore. His mother lives in Kerala (another part of India) and then he said something about his Aunt and told me he was supposed to meet her but he lost his money. He looked very sad and forlorn as he asked me, "Ma'am you have any money?!" I lied and said, "No." He commented on my cell phone, "That's Apple?" "Um. No. I think it's a Samsung. Oh. Nope. It says LG." "It's expensive, Ma'am? How much?" "Oh, Brother. I have no idea?!" (Even if I did I don't think this was an appropriate question nor one I felt like I should answer.)
Then he commented on my sunscreen. "What's that?!" "Oh. Sunblock. See how I have all these brown spots? They are called freckles. I get a lot of these when I'm in the sun and if I don't put on sunblock my skin will turn really red. I get burned and it hurts. So that helps my skin not get too burned." He picked up the bottle and flipped the lid open and said, "Ooh! Smells nice." "Go ahead. You can try some if you want." He took a little dab and said, "I like it." We chatted about other things like WWE (unfortunately, I am not up on the current wrestling circuit so he did most of the talking and I just listened.) Apparently, he's a BIG fan! Then every once in awhile he'd divert from what he was talking about and he'd make some random comment like, "You have a nice look." or "I like how you look." Which was all very awkward and I would try to divert the conversation back to school or wrestling or anything not related to my BOD! ARGHHH!
No matter how hard I tried the conversation just got weirder and weirder. At one point he just blurted out, "I want to kiss you, Ma'am!" "WHAT?!" "Yes. I want to kiss you Ma'am." "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" "Please Ma'am. A lip kiss." "WHAT!?!?! You are crazy!! Noooooo, Sir!" "Why?! I just really want to kiss you on the lips. A lip kiss like Titanic." "Titanic?!?! The movie?!" "Yes. They lip kiss. It was very nice." In a desperate attempt to try to change his perky mood I said, "Oh yes. That was a very sad movie. Lots and LOTS of people died!" This did not curb his enthusiasm at all. So then I told him, "No. I only kiss my husband." "Nightly?!" "Yes, Nightly and he would be very upset if I kissed someone else." "Love Marriage, Ma'am?!" "Yes, LOTS of Love!" (Quick interjection about him asking, "Love Marriage". He was simply wondering whether I had an arranged marriage or not. Here in India if you do not go the traditional arrangement route they will say it was a "Love Marriage".) Then he asked, How long have you been married?" "14 years this summer." If he had still been finishing my sandwich...he would have choked as he gasped and said, "14 years?! You could be my Mom!!!.....Kiss your Son!" I think I let out a big guffaw at that point - I mean it was all so ridiculous and he was so persistent. I felt like someone should come leaping out the bushes at any moment to point out the hidden cameras catching this bazaar situation LIVE on tape. But nobody jumped out to say, "Haha! The joke is on you" and so the craziness continued! He informed me, "I really like Americans. Especially white ones, like you." and he added ,"I do not like black people." Horrified I said, "What?! God loves us all! I am always telling my kids that it doesn't matter what color your skin is or what color your hair might be - then I tapped my heart with my hand and said, "It's what's in here that counts." Puzzled he looked at me and said, "So your husband is black!?" Again, I think I burst out laughin! He missed my point entirely and he didn't let up on his quest for a kiss either. Begging. Pleading. I just kept saying, "Nope. Absolutely not. No kissing!" and he kept saying, "But I would be so happy! Just only one kiss?!"
Finally, I found the distraction I was looking for when I said, "So aren't you going to go swimming?!" and he looked around like, "Oh yeah! You're right! That's what I came here to do!" He went back to his happy little humming tune that he arrived singing and said, "Yes! I AM going swimming!" Mentally I was thinking, "THANK GOD! Yes! Go for a swim!!!!" I said, "So nice meeting you, Anderson." He extended his right hand towards mine and as we shook hands he said, "You too, Jen!" and then he KISSED the back of my hand! That little sneaky varmit! He may not have got his LIP kiss but he got A KISS nonetheless and he was as happy as a pig in poo. And like that - Poof! He was gone. Vanished. By the time I got my wits about me at what had just happened I stood up to see if I could see him walking to the indoor pool to link up with his "supposed" brother but he was gone. I have no idea where he went. If he had a brother or if any of his stories were true BUT in the future I have decided this whole situation could have been avoided!!!! You know that old saying, "A way to a man's heart is through his stomach?!" Next time.....I will NOT offer to share my lunch. I think that was Pandora's Box today and now I think I shall go and kiss my husband b/c afterall - We DO that NIGHTLY!!!! ;0) Sweet Dreams All!
That is seriously one of the strangest encounters...you were much nice then I would've been. Weirrrrrd!
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