Safari....Sorta!?

Our safari plans were initially cancelled due to CRAZY rain!  So crazy in fact, we saw a family of three on a motorcycle with the baby sandwiched in between the parents that was getting POURED on.  The rain came on so quickly they didn't have any choice but to DRIVE!!!  As soon as there was shelter on the roadside - They pulled over.  We also saw a motorcycle wipe out in the middle of the road!  NUTS!!  Put it this way, it was not ideal for humans to be out in this monsoon-like rain so we figured the animals would probably be tucked away safe in the jungle somewhere too so we decided to re-schedule our safari for the next day.

The safari driver showed up with his Jeep and we all piled in "Indian Style."  Mikey and Matt road in the front seat.  Rach, Erica, David and I sat in the back.  No seat belts.  Just an open line of prayer to the Heavenly Father!  It was WILD!  It's a whole new experience when you are riding in the back of a Jeep, wind blowing through your hair, sucking in exhaust fumes, trying to position your legs as a human seat belt so that none of your children go bouncing out the tailgate!   

Our faithful friend, Shadow, ran behind the safari Jeep all the way to the front gate.  The kids kept yelling to him, "It's okay Shadow.  We're not really leaving.  We'll be back!"

Michael and Daddy sitting up front with the Safari Man

Driving in India is completely backwards, upside down and inside out from what we are used to!  Steering wheel is on the right side of the car and they drive on the left side of the road.  Although Matt has obtained an Indian drivers license and motorcycle license, I have no desire to drive on the roads of India.  My poor little brain would seriously suffer from sensory overload.  Even if I could retrain my brain which side of the road to drive on, I'd still have all the other distractions to contend with:  goats, pedestrians, cows, auto-rickshaws, cycles, stray dogs, buses....factor in the honking...yep.  I'm pretty much overwhelmed just writing about it - Let alone trying to drive in it! 

Almost as soon as we got into the back of the Jeep, David started to suck his thumb which is 100% indication that he is T.I.R.E.D!!! 

He started out by resting his head between my knees.  Within moments I could feel it, a warm trickle, slowly sliding down my leg....
DROOL!  Ewww!

It blew my mind that he was able to sleep through the madness going on all around us but he slept soundly until the Jeep came to a full and complete stop.  :0)

Looks like Erica might be the next one in Lala Land!?
(Notice my tightened toes next to David!?)

I was tense the entire ride on the busy streets as I was convinced someone was going to end up getting launched out of the vehicle!  And let's face it - The odds are stacked against him - If anybody was going to find themselves in a dangerous situation or bounce out the back door - It would have been David.  One moment sleeping - The next minute SORING out of his safari seat straight onto the STREET!!!  After about 30 minutes of being in my Mommy Bear protector mode, I started to get a cramp in my calf and a tightness in my toes.  Dear Lord!  I fear I am getting old and I can't just hold a position for this long without ramifications!  When we stopped on the side of the road to pay some tax or tariff or something like that the men of our family all got out to "take a wazz" as Erica calls it - I got out to stretch my legs.  The locals were looking at me as if I was a poor, crippled white woman.  Hopping around on one foot.  Waggling my tense tootsies and trying to kneed the cramp out of my calf...did I mention I too had to take a "wazz" but it's not so easy for a woman.  Right!?  Ladies.  Can I get a whoop-whoop if you are with me!?  I mean the world is not our urinal!!  You can't exactly just drop trou wherever you please.  Even in India - I've yet to see a woman just let it all hang out.  Men.  Well, should we really go there?  I mean it's a daily occurrence.  They whip Mr. Wiggly out whenever they feel like it.  No qualms.  You gotta go.  GO!  Ladies.  Newp.  It's keep your legs crossed and clench until you can find a suitable spot. And well, suitable here is debatable.  Which brings me to the "Squatty!".  As in the "Squatty Potty!"  If you are confused by what I am talking about, let me be more specific.  The Urban Dictionary describes a squat toilet as:  a low, ground-level bathroom fixture used for defecation and urination. More common in Eastern cultures, particularly public restrooms. 

So, you guessed it.  India would pretty much BE an Eastern culture so squatties are everywhere.  Not cool, not ideal but when you are in a pee or poo yourself situation and there's not a secluded place to do a nature squat (which I am not above taking care of business in the great outdoors if that happens to be my only option) but in India public places are often crowded and you can't just pop a squat wherever you please.  SO!  You use a squatty.  A squat pot can be anything from a hole in the ground that you drop and aim your "business" into, a cement type trough where multiple people can "go" at the same time or in public places you might find "modern" stalls like you would in most public restrooms in the US but when you open the door you will not find a lovely American Standard white porcelain bowl on the other side of the door you will be greeted by the notorious Squatty Potty!!! 

 An American Commode

             

                      VS.

                                

      

                   The Indian Squat Pot

 My experience thus far with the squatties in public places is that it is STILL a hole in the ground but it's a little more high tech.  High tech meaning - A hole with plastic foot grips positioned on either side of the hole.  As well as bucket filled with water and usually having some sort of cup inside so that you can "flush" your deuce juice down the hole.  Toilet paper.  Pashaw!  Are you kidding me!?  The likelihood of t.p. is slim to none so a word to the wise, always go to the bathroom BEFORE you leave the house in India b/c you don't know what you will encounter along your travels and By George don't be foolish enough to get caught without a napkin in your pocket or t.p. in your purse b/c you may just end up having to leave your sock or underwear behind (no pun intended! Hahaha!)

I would also like to point out that I think I have some sort of genetic deficiency and I would love to know if it's just ME or are there others of you out there!?!  So we've got a little experiment to do here.  I need you all to squat.  Not to poo or anything but try it.  Can you squat?  Here are the particulars...when you squat down....Keep your heels flat on the floor.  I'm not kidding.  I CAN'T do it.  My heels lift off the ground and if I was in the proper squat position I'd tip over backwards (God only knows you don't want to be TIPPING OVER onto the floor in a squattie!!  Not unless you are able to take a Bleach Bath or have gallons of Purell at the ready for purification purposes!)  So, seriously now.  I'm not kidding.  Quit reading and get up and SQUAT!    I'm waiting.  GO DO IT!!!  Maybe I just need more practice b/c you see people squatting EVERYWHERE here.  Not just for bowel relieving purposes but they squat to simply take a "rest".  They squat while working.  I'm surrounded by SQUATTERS!!!!  Quite frankly, I'm a bit baffled by it all.  I CAN'T do it.  When I squat my heels come up off the ground and hence hinder my squat capabilities.  I've tried sitting in the squatting position while I'm waiting for my gallon of water to fill up from the bubbler in the kitchen and I found myself rolled over on my back like a sad little beetle.

The Restful Squat

Squatting with a View

Even young children have mastered the squat!

Wow!  I have really gotten sidetracked here BUT all of this to say that I used my first squat pot on this trip.  I need practice.  (Which I'm sure living here for three years will lend itself to more attempts at improving my bathroom abilities).  After 45 minutes of jostling around in the back of a jeep I thought I wouldn't even make it to the bathroom.  I was pretty sure I was going to have a pee-pee trail leading all the way to the toilet.  I made it.  I squared my feet evenly on either side of the hole.  Dropped my drawers, lowered my derriere.  Hovered over the hole.  Steady.  Aim.  FIRE!!  Phew.  Not bad!!  I did not use the bucket of water and cup to "wash" my keister which I think is customary)...I rather opted to use my nicely folded toilet tissue I had in my pocket and then I simply used the water to "flush" out the hole for the next toilet traveler.

Erica giving a lesson on the Squatty.  She has mastered the Posterior Position!!

Once I had relieved my weary bladder we were able to get on with the safari.  We were on a mission to see elephants!!  Well, needless to say - We didn't see anything that exciting :/  The closest we got to seeing an elephant was seeing....

A giant elephant Pile o' Poo!!

So, we had our proof that elephants were in the vicinity but the closest encounter we would have on this safari was seeing one whoppin' turd.  Disappointing to say the least but we've got 3 years in India so I'm assuming all is not lost. We'll see an elephant at some point! 

We saw a hawk.  Whoop-dee-stinkin'-doo!

At this point we'd kind of started being animal snobs. :/  I didn't take any pictures of the many monkeys, spotted deer or peacocks b/c quite frankly when you've got your sites set on the likes of seeing an elephant or an elusive tiger well, everything pales in comparison.  Snobs.  I know.

How'd you like to be on post in this animal look-out tower!? 

I should say, "NOT!"

Boy!  What I wouldn't have given to see someone shimmying up that tree to get to that little house in the trees!  (I think that would have even been more exciting than an elephant for me!!)  That would have been like real life "Jungle Book" stuff.  "Mowgli!  Mowgli!  Is that you!?"

Goofy Girls

Although we didn't see all of the critters we were hoping to - Everyone had a good time!  Even though this picture is blurry you can see the girls were havin' a hoot-a-nanny good time yuckin' it up in the back of the Jeep.

The next morning it was time to pack up our things and bid farewell to our time in Kerala.  We had such a great time.  We got to celebrate our first Diwali at Tranquil with Nisha, Ajay, Samara and Zara.  I didn't remember my camera that night so unfortunately, no pictures of the fireworks and all of the children doing sparklers together.  Matt and I sipped our "tranquilizers" and reflected on our first Indian getaway.  It was a lot of fun!  The kids have already declared that we need to spend every Diwali at Tranquil Resort.  :0)

  Time for Samara to go to school and time for us to say

"Good-bye" (David is bummed he's not standing next to Samara!)

Bye Shadow!  See ya next year!

Erica and Swamee had a special connection.

Swamee, one of the hotel staff, LOVED the children.  The morning we were leaving he came down to the Tree Villa with his camera.  He wanted to make sure he got a picture with the kids so they wouldn't forget him.  SO SWEET!

Last moments with their pal, Shadow.

Ready to pile back into the car.

David and his Dosa!

Yep!  We enjoyed the food so much the first time around that on the way home we stopped for dosas on the OTHER side of the road.  Just as good as we remembered!  hahah!

Goofy gal!

Our trip home was shortened significantly because of the Diwali Holiday.  We made it home in lightning fast time (for India!)  Both Matt and I commented to one another how surprised we were as we drove down our street how quickly we have found a sense of "Home" here and although we had a fabulous time in Kerala - It was good to be back to our Bangalore "Home" again!